The Republic of Vespucci was having a terrible time, prices were high, the rats were running wild in the streets and the people were angry. Prime Minister Amerigo fretted at the plight of his country and in his little mind he decided the people needed a distraction. So, he decided to declare war on the neighboring country, the Kingdom of Tago.
King Ludwig III was surprised at the letter from Vespucci.
"Why do they want a war with us?" the King said, "We've been peaceful for neighbors for centuries. I do not understand."
"Sire," said the High Lord Chamberlain, "I suggest sending spies to learn the reason for the declaration of war."
"Yes, that is a good idea," The King said.
He sent for his best spies, Andrea the Arthropod (named for her research with all things arthropods), Frankie the Gallant (the bravest person in the kingdom) and Big Joe (the muscles of the trio)
"Please go forth to Vespucci and learn why do they want a war with us," The King said.
"Yes, your majesty," They spies said.
They set out, easily crossing the border into Vespucci. They were surprised by the rats dancing in the streets and the high food prices.
"They want our riches?" Big Joe said.
"I wonder" Andrea said staring at a rat that was nipping on a piece of food, "if it's just to distract the people."
"That's ridiculous," Frankie said.
"Wars have been started for trivial reason such as The Welch-Ostro War of 1655. It was started due to an insult."
"Who insulted who?" Big Joe said.
"The President of Welch like the Empress of Ostro. He suggested they should solidify their nation's friendship by marrying. She said no and his reaction was by declaring war."
Big Joe opened his mouth to make a witty reply when he hit over the head. Big Joe winced.
"Uh-oh," Frankie said
"Spies, you are under arrest!" said a shrill voice man.
"Oooh," Big Joe said rubbing his head, "Why did you hit me?"
"What do you think," said the man, "Put your hands up!"
They did as they were told and taken to the local dungeon.
In a cold and damp room, they sat on wooden chairs as an older man in a military uniform asked them questions.
"Who are you? Are you spies from Tago?"
They didn't answer.
"I will make you talk!"
The military man turned around and Joe pounced on him.
The three ran out of the room. Joe pushed away anyone trying to stop them. In the escape out of the dungeon, Frankie acquired a gun. He shot off rounds over the heads of the pursuers.
In the street Andrea spotted a cart with a horse waiting.
"Hey there is a cart" Andrea said.
The trio jumped on the cart and rode out of town into the woods.
They stood before the King and gave their report. The King decided to send a letter to PM Amerigo that he knew the truth. The letter was sent and a two days later, the King received a reply, "Screw you!"
The King's face turned red, "Why that little pompous ass! If he wants a war, he'll get a war!"
"Now, sire," High Lord Chamberlain said, "Don't be rash. There is a solution to this messy situation."
"What is your solution?"
"A letter offering friendship and help with their problems."
"All right," The King said, "send the letter."
"Yes, sire," The High Lord said and quickly ran off the compose the letter.
The Prime Minister read the letter.
"Oh, damn it" he said, "They are not taking the bait! Maybe I should look elsewhere. How about the Welch. It doesn't take much to push them over the edge."
"Not them," The Vice Prime Minister Dobas said, "they have a very powerful army unlike Tago."
"True."
"Let's send a letter that insults the King."
"Good idea!"
The next day, the King received the letter. In the letter, he was called a scoundrel, a moron and he was an embarrassment to his father's legacy. The King crumbled up the letter.
"That bastard!" the King yelled, "I'm going to kill him!"
The High Lord Chamberlain said, "Now, sire, let's not do anything rash. How about we all talk this out like civil adults."
The King sighed, "Okay, what do you propose."
"You and the Prime Minister meet on the border...."
"And the little rat gets assassinated!"
"No, sire, nobody gets killed. You both talk this out."
"All right!" The King said, "Send them a message."
"Yes, sire."
A letter arrived regarding a peace conference at the border. The Prime Minister read it with large eyes. "Oh, this sounds good," he said.
"It does?" the Vice PM said.
"Yes, during this conference, the King will be assassinated and that will guarantee a war!"
"Yes, sir," the Vice PM said, "I will get our best assassin!"
At the appointed day and time, the two leaders met.
"This is ridiculous," The King said.
"I don't think so," The Prime Minister said.
"Why don't you bother someone else, like the Welch," The King said, "They'll give you a good fight."
"They're brutes!" The Prime Minister, "However, I can expect a gentleman war from Tago."
Before the King replied a shot rang out and both men fell to the ground. Their people ran to them and stared at their unconscious bodies on the ground.
"You killed our King!"
"You killed our Prime Minister!"
"This means war!"
"This means war!"
The leaders were taken back to their respected places. To the surprise of their people, they were alive.
"The rat shot me!" The King said.
"I like to know who shot the Prime Minister," the High Lord said.
"It's doesn't matter," the King said laying on the bed, "They want a war, and we shall give them a war they will never forget!"
In Vespucci, the Prime Minister was fuming, "They got me!"
"It's dreadful that happened," said the Vice PM, "However, it's good that happen. We can use that the rally the people to fight Tago."
The Prime Minister wondered if the Vice PM had him shot too.
"Sir," The Vice PM said, "What are your orders?"
"What do you think!"
"Yes, sir."
In a week time, the countries of Tago and Vespucci gathered their men, horses, guns and cannons. They gathered at the border lined up in a nice row pointing guns and cannons at each other.
The air was warm
The sky was blue.
It was a lovely day for a war.
